תשובה Existentially

The concepts of תשובה and אין מספיקין בידו לעשות תשובה--

תשובה being an accessing and changing of one's existential self and who he is, not what he does per se.... the ability and opportunity of accessing a depth of existential self-layer so that it's even possible to express regret, shame, etc regarding one's own particular evils in a meaningful lasting manner... hence, אין מספיקין בידו meaning the general sense of jadedness-apathy-lethargy-etc that we feel all too often in today's world, that doesn't allow us to even access that part of ourselves, that particular self-layer, where the potential lies for true-fundamental-existential expression and change...

"well you can't fight the tears that 'aint comin ...when everything feels like the movies, yeah you bleed just to know you're alive..." (Goo Goo Dolls)

I thought it's beautifully seen in the pasuk וימנע מרשעים אורם-- איוב לח
אור לא נאמר אלא אורם  \i.e. the light and infinity that is within them themselves, at deeper levels....

See also here Layers of Self

Teshuva Thoughts

There can come a point in a man's life where he realizes he's written more checks than his soul can repay... That no amount of judgment can justify his existence.... nothing can be done that can justify his valuing of himself even existentially.... מן העץ אכלתי ואוכל (see Breishit Rabba on the pasuk) ... and so there is nothing but silence... and all that is left for him to do is sit and cry... until he dies...

...but i guess the only next step to make is the recognition that nothing in this world can truly justify it's existence.... ושמים לא זכו בעיניו .... and so his evil is everything and nothing all at the same time...

I don't know how this fits exactly with R' Elazar ben Durdaya...