Birkat HaGomel

This blog has had quite a history to it -- many posts, many thoughts, many ramblings, and many rants. I would imagine the casual reader stumbling onto this blog would think of me as anything ranging from a peculiar yeshiva guy with a lot of creative torah thoughts  to a twisted and embittered crotchety old man with  a lot of pessimism and negativity.

I remember once learning with an old friend -- i think it was yerushalmi bikurim but i could be wrong -- how the main function of ברכת הגומל is in expressing one's thanks in public forum thereby making a statement of declaration to the tzibur as to the particular goodness that שמים had bestowed upon him. I remember us asking at the time how then if that's the case could you ever be יוצא the חיוב of ברכת הגומל by answering אמן since there's no way to distinguish the amen of the בר-חיוב (who needs to demonstrate thanks for the kindness done to him) from the regular people in the crowd (who had not gone through any such experience for which they were obligated to be מברך on)... I never got an answer to that...

In any event, it behooves me to make my statement of thanks to all the goodness that הקב"ה has given to me. After all has been said and done, after all the bitter years of difficulty, frustation -- pain, after all the different lives i've lived, and after all the various rants I've given  ---- to be be given the opportunity to get married to a woman kind enough to be my wife and to be blessed with a daughter who brings such joy and hope to my heart -- It behooves me to tell the world my thanks to my Creator for the kindness he has bestowed upon me and blessed me with; it behooves me to let the world know -- to let all those going through their own personal dark years of hell know -- that there can be Hope, there can be an end to the suffering, an answering to their tears and wimpers.

When does it come -- I do not  know unfortunately. To whom does it come -- I also sadly do not know the answer to that. But I'm here to say that it does happen -- that atleast i know, and i'd like to think it would comfort the heart of those who might think otherwise, that it can equally someday happen for them.

I thereby call her אלי-ענה תקוה. May there be hope for us all in a brighter future ahead. Amen.

Angry Man or a Man Who Is Angry?

Very interesting Sifra I came across (quoted below).

[יב] "וישמע משה וייטב בעיניו" -- הודה מיד ולא בוש לאמר "לא שמעתי".

אמר רבי יהודה, חנניה בן יהודה היה דורש כל ימיו:  קשה הקפדה שגרמה לו למשה לטעות.

אחר מיתתו הריני משיב על דבריו:  ומי גרם לו שהקפיד?! אלא שטעה!

It's an interesting way of looking at anger (הקפדה). Chananya sees Moshe's הקפדה as stemming from an innate angry disposition, an instinctive response of opposing and lashing out -- hence being led to make a mistake in judgement. An "angry man".

R' Yehuda on the other hand sees Moshe's reponse as a resultant by-product of a mistake in judgement. Because I deem this is the way reality ought to be  -- I therefore am upset at the fact that it's not. A perfectly valid response -- if only you were right in your thinking. If only your turth was aligned with the Truth that reality ought to be that way. In this particular case it was not and hence in this particular case he was wrong. But Moshe's being a קפדן here then is only tangential to the issue. It's a byproduct of a mistake in comprehension, not a cause. A man who happens  to be angry.

Etymology - Shidduch - שידוך

Interesting to me. The word shidduch (שידוך) coming from the meaning of serenity, tranquility, contentment, etc. See the הגהה in שלחן ערוך יורה דעה רכח סעיף מג.

תורת העולה - צע"ג

Recently through the work I do on wikisource I revisited an issue that I once had --and it seems to be just as disappointing now as it was then.

The רמ"א in תורת העולה writes in (פרק ח):

וכתב הרמב"ם ( פ"ה מהל' בהב"ח ה"ז ) ארבע לשכות היו באמצע מקצעותיה של ארבעים וארבע אמה‏^[1] ..., עד כאן לשונו. ואלו הם הלשכות שביארנו. והיה ארכן ארבעים וארבע אמה שמדת ארבעים וארבע הוא מורה על מספר ארבעים וארבע שהוא מספר ח"י יהו"ה. והעניין שהשם זה הוא חי וממציא כל הנמצאים, לכן בא הרמז כי אף שהשכל הפועל הוא סבה קרובה לאלו המדרגות, מכל מקום גם הוא תולה במי שאמר והיה העולם והוא מדת ארבעים וארבע

The problem being that the גירסא (in the Rambam and in the mishna Midot) is of 40 amot each and not 44. The problem not being that the רמ"א happened to have a mistaken version or simply made a mistake while writing things from memory -- the problem being to me that a גדול ישראל ended up making the mistake, writing on it an entire drush and gematria!!, and bringing the sefer to print. You can't then help but being skeptical as to how much more of the sefer is simly ad hoc drush that was made to "fit-in" to the text. It casts a bad light on the entire sefer as a whole in my opinion (you can argue otherwise though).

( I noted this problem in a footnote on wikisource just now... maybe someone will have a resolution to this issue ).

סנדלר - Cinderella

Just thought it interesting, the close spelling of Cinderella to the hebrew word for shoe and shoesmith -- סנדל וסנדלר, respectively. Cinderella being a story about shoes.

Wonder if that was at all a factor in the person who created the Cinderella story. Probably not though since according to Wikipedia the earlier versions of the story went by different names not very similar to the word 'Cinderella'.

סמיכת גאולה לתפלה

[ While there's certainly a need for discretionary צניעות as in ואת צנועים חכמה -- no one really reads my blog anyway and the majority of the world doesn't take me seriously anyway. so this should be ok ]

Was thinking in recent weeks the appropriateness of the male-term יסוד in conjunction with the female - נפילה  (as in נפלה ולא תוסיף קום בתולת ישראל and סוכת דוד הנופלת and ביצת ניפול among many others). The natural phenomena of a standalone solitary woman to be prone to insecurity, doubt, unsettledness -- in short a bundled mess of anxiety-ridden nerves. And of course the validity of such a perspective in an empirical physical world of probabilistic chaos.

The myriad permutations of how life can get derailed, devolved, and discombobulated -- at any moment; for the smallest of reasons, for the most pathetic of circumstances [as in אקמצא ובר קמצא חרוב ירושלים אתרנגולא ותרנגולתא חרוב טור מלכא וכולי וכולי ].

The beautifully fitting description then of a solution to such a problem being that of a yesod -- a foundation, a concrete thing which you can build on; bank on; lean on [ as in סומך ה' לכל הנופלים ].

A solid commitment and an unwavering determination in the face of all the chaos, all the doubt, all the naysayers and all the skeptical critics (critics of all kinds - of Life, Love, Existentialal Values, etc).

Something or someone that stays true to preserving or redeeming kindred relationships that once were, even after they've 'fallen' to the side [as in או דודו או בן דודו יגאלנו ] . THAT is truly an anchor that a woman can wrap herself around and build outwards from. Something that gives a backbone to a structure that otherwise is in a constant state of falling [ as in סומך ה' לכל הנופלים - נופלים ולא נפלו ]

That being the case it becomes very clear the directly pernicious effect of the standard Post-Modern theological thinking that is so rampant in many of the jewish communities and flavors today.

NOTHING is a given. Nothing is an absolute. Nothing is hard enough to grab on to. No line or sentence of a text has any definite meaning, because after all -- "that's your interpretation and your way of looking at it, and I have my way of looking at it" -- and there's no common ground of agreed upon truths to which any process of elimination can even begin to be undertaken to successfully ascertain something that is certain.

And so -- what I realized in these past few weeks -- is that the crux of many of the modern day dysfunctions and problems that we as a world suffer from today can arguably be summed up in phallic terms:

The need for a concrete, stable and enduring אבר חי that can offer a foundation to build upon to the would-be נופל. With the stamina and the selflessness needed to see things till their end and not prematurely ejaculate beforehand for lack of integrity. One that's awake and alive to Life's value, meaning, and beauty; and doesn't become limp and flacid in the face of Post-Modern psycho babble b$llsh*t where nothing's really important and everything is reduced to emptiness and subjective opinion.

On one such a יסוד can we find סמיכה. On one such a יסוד can you have גאולה.

Religious Paralysis - Murdering the רשכבה"ג

Disclaimer: This post has no real proof or showing of exegesis from Torah sources outright. It's merely my own personal diatribe, ranting, and release of thought. Take it as you wish.

Was sitting in a random modern orthodox shul here in Jerusalem. The Rabbi told over a story that got me angry. The story, we'll keep it without names, is of a well known great Rabbi of the European era -- we'll just call him רשכבה"ג פלוני -- recounting to his תלמידים a personal story of his formative years as a yeshiva bachur. בקיצור, it goes like this:

when פלוני was a bachur in yeshiva in his early years  he wasn't succeeding in his learning.. finally his parents discussed the option of taking him out of yeshiva and teaching him a trade so that he could learn to become a respectable admirable B'al Ha'bos -- giving charity, supporting the community, yada yada yada. Nonetheless and despite the hardship, פלוני goes on to succeed in yeshiva and goes on to become רשכבה"ג פלוני. 

"And So..." he tells his students, "I could have lived a long life of גמילות חסד ומעשים טובים as a B'al Ha'bos, gone up to Heaven where before me lie two doors - one for heaven and one for hell - only to be told that I'll be going to גיהנם for the sin of רציחה. How so?  because in my choosing to be a פלוני בעל הבית I was רוצח the פלוני רשכבה"ג". etc etc etc. you get the point.

This way of thinking makes me sick and makes me angry, mainly because the mistaken thought that belies it is so pernicious and so all encompassing in extinguishing the organic process of living/being/loving that the world so desperately needs.

Simply put, this mentality makes life a kind of sadistic egotistical game of "choose right or die" by it's Creator. A one-solution path in an obstacle course with a million different byways and streets -- and you better figure out which one is "The Right" one, otherwise we'll hold your feet to fire for all eternity. Such a perspective, in my opinion atleast, sees הקב"ה as a tyrannical joker of sorts -- "Be all that you can be but watch out! If you don't get the combination right we'll charge you for רציחה of what could have been, or more accurately what should have been,  says I".

A life where just about all the options are bad save one or two, and if you slip out -- so long and syonara. Of course you can do Teshuva and you won't maybe burn for your bad choice in being a B'al Ha'bos, or whatever -- but don't think you can ever equal being רשכבה"ג פלוני. That perfect choice that the world needed from you is gone.

And to me, that's just twisted. Tyrannical -- ואין הקב"ה בא בטרוניא עם בריותיו. Why can't you look at Life as a myriad of choices that are all Right. That all lead to תיקון, to expression and self-expression (of individual and of collective Creation). Is it any different really then a father wanting to see his child "grow into himself" and not into being a particular one-dimensional expression; be it Doctor, Lawyer, or רשכבה"ג???


And the more I think about it, the more I think it's this ghetto-childish mentality that I've come across too often in my various relationships -- whether with women or with חברים. The religious paralysis that sets in when you maintain a השקפה as the above. So that a girl will tell you despite the fact that she enjoys the 5-minutes she gave you  talking on the phone (and of course she can't talk any more than 5 minutes seeing as how she's already certain of the fact that you two are not getting married - any further discussion on the phone would just be at worst sinful and at best a waste of time - why bother exploring people of interest in life, right?) -- she would never marry a man who wasn't compatible with her hashkafa even if she were to fall in love with him!! why? because she's too afraid of being רוצח her own רשכבה"ג.

And so instead she figures שב ואל תעשה עדיף, passing over dozens upon dozens of "good men" -- for the simple reason that "you only really get one shot at this marriage thing and G-d forbid if you make the wrong choice". And she remains therein -- paralyzed; from her fear of making the right choice, from her fear of making the wrong choice, from her fear of what will be if she doesn't choose correctly. (see this blog  shomernegiah.blogspot.com as one example where the girl ultimately, after all the emotional pain and difficulty, ends up caving in to things anyway! )

And the tears roll down, and the depression makes for itself a permanent home in individuals who, quite literally, stand before a myriad of wondrous opportunities that Life begs to offer, yet are too afraid of the tragedy in being called "a murderer of the רשכבה"ג". and so they remain - paralyzed, never to tread on any of those paths at all....