Disclaimer: This post has no real proof or showing of exegesis from Torah sources outright. It's merely my own personal diatribe, ranting, and release of thought. Take it as you wish.
Was sitting in a random modern orthodox shul here in Jerusalem. The Rabbi told over a story that got me angry. The story, we'll keep it without names, is of a well known great Rabbi of the European era -- we'll just call him רשכבה"ג פלוני -- recounting to his תלמידים a personal story of his formative years as a yeshiva bachur. בקיצור, it goes like this:
when פלוני was a bachur in yeshiva in his early years he wasn't succeeding in his learning.. finally his parents discussed the option of taking him out of yeshiva and teaching him a trade so that he could learn to become a respectable admirable B'al Ha'bos -- giving charity, supporting the community, yada yada yada. Nonetheless and despite the hardship, פלוני goes on to succeed in yeshiva and goes on to become רשכבה"ג פלוני.
"And So..." he tells his students, "I could have lived a long life of גמילות חסד ומעשים טובים as a B'al Ha'bos, gone up to Heaven where before me lie two doors - one for heaven and one for hell - only to be told that I'll be going to גיהנם for the sin of רציחה. How so? because in my choosing to be a פלוני בעל הבית I was רוצח the פלוני רשכבה"ג". etc etc etc. you get the point.
This way of thinking makes me sick and makes me angry, mainly because the mistaken thought that belies it is so pernicious and so all encompassing in extinguishing the organic process of living/being/loving that the world so desperately needs.
Simply put, this mentality makes life a kind of sadistic egotistical game of "choose right or die" by it's Creator. A one-solution path in an obstacle course with a million different byways and streets -- and you better figure out which one is "The Right" one, otherwise we'll hold your feet to fire for all eternity. Such a perspective, in my opinion atleast, sees הקב"ה as a tyrannical joker of sorts -- "Be all that you can be but watch out! If you don't get the combination right we'll charge you for רציחה of what could have been, or more accurately what should have been, says I".
A life where just about all the options are bad save one or two, and if you slip out -- so long and syonara. Of course you can do Teshuva and you won't maybe burn for your bad choice in being a B'al Ha'bos, or whatever -- but don't think you can ever equal being רשכבה"ג פלוני. That perfect choice that the world needed from you is gone.
And to me, that's just twisted. Tyrannical -- ואין הקב"ה בא בטרוניא עם בריותיו. Why can't you look at Life as a myriad of choices that are all Right. That all lead to תיקון, to expression and self-expression (of individual and of collective Creation). Is it any different really then a father wanting to see his child "grow into himself" and not into being a particular one-dimensional expression; be it Doctor, Lawyer, or רשכבה"ג???
And the more I think about it, the more I think it's this ghetto-childish mentality that I've come across too often in my various relationships -- whether with women or with חברים. The religious paralysis that sets in when you maintain a השקפה as the above. So that a girl will tell you despite the fact that she enjoys the 5-minutes she gave you talking on the phone (and of course she can't talk any more than 5 minutes seeing as how she's already certain of the fact that you two are not getting married - any further discussion on the phone would just be at worst sinful and at best a waste of time - why bother exploring people of interest in life, right?) -- she would never marry a man who wasn't compatible with her hashkafa even if she were to fall in love with him!! why? because she's too afraid of being רוצח her own רשכבה"ג.
And so instead she figures שב ואל תעשה עדיף, passing over dozens upon dozens of "good men" -- for the simple reason that "you only really get one shot at this marriage thing and G-d forbid if you make the wrong choice". And she remains therein -- paralyzed; from her fear of making the right choice, from her fear of making the wrong choice, from her fear of what will be if she doesn't choose correctly. (see this blog shomernegiah.blogspot.com as one example where the girl ultimately, after all the emotional pain and difficulty, ends up caving in to things anyway! )
And the tears roll down, and the depression makes for itself a permanent home in individuals who, quite literally, stand before a myriad of wondrous opportunities that Life begs to offer, yet are too afraid of the tragedy in being called "a murderer of the רשכבה"ג". and so they remain - paralyzed, never to tread on any of those paths at all....
