Tuesday, December 17, 2013

סמיכת גאולה לתפלה

[ While there's certainly a need for discretionary צניעות as in ואת צנועים חכמה -- no one really reads my blog anyway and the majority of the world doesn't take me seriously anyway. so this should be ok ]

Was thinking in recent weeks the appropriateness of the male-term יסוד in conjunction with the female - נפילה  (as in נפלה ולא תוסיף קום בתולת ישראל and סוכת דוד הנופלת and ביצת ניפול among many others). The natural phenomena of a standalone solitary woman to be prone to insecurity, doubt, unsettledness -- in short a bundled mess of anxiety-ridden nerves. And of course the validity of such a perspective in an empirical physical world of probabilistic chaos.

The myriad permutations of how life can get derailed, devolved, and discombobulated -- at any moment; for the smallest of reasons, for the most pathetic of circumstances [as in אקמצא ובר קמצא חרוב ירושלים אתרנגולא ותרנגולתא חרוב טור מלכא וכולי וכולי ].

The beautifully fitting description then of a solution to such a problem being that of a yesod -- a foundation, a concrete thing which you can build on; bank on; lean on [ as in סומך ה' לכל הנופלים ].

A solid commitment and an unwavering determination in the face of all the chaos, all the doubt, all the naysayers and all the skeptical critics (critics of all kinds - of Life, Love, Existentialal Values, etc).

Something or someone that stays true to preserving or redeeming kindred relationships that once were, even after they've 'fallen' to the side [as in או דודו או בן דודו יגאלנו ] . THAT is truly an anchor that a woman can wrap herself around and build outwards from. Something that gives a backbone to a structure that otherwise is in a constant state of falling [ as in סומך ה' לכל הנופלים - נופלים ולא נפלו ]

That being the case it becomes very clear the directly pernicious effect of the standard Post-Modern theological thinking that is so rampant in many of the jewish communities and flavors today.

NOTHING is a given. Nothing is an absolute. Nothing is hard enough to grab on to. No line or sentence of a text has any definite meaning, because after all -- "that's your interpretation and your way of looking at it, and I have my way of looking at it" -- and there's no common ground of agreed upon truths to which any process of elimination can even begin to be undertaken to successfully ascertain something that is certain.

And so -- what I realized in these past few weeks -- is that the crux of many of the modern day dysfunctions and problems that we as a world suffer from today can arguably be summed up in phallic terms:

The need for a concrete, stable and enduring אבר חי that can offer a foundation to build upon to the would-be נופל. With the stamina and the selflessness needed to see things till their end and not prematurely ejaculate beforehand for lack of integrity. One that's awake and alive to Life's value, meaning, and beauty; and doesn't become limp and flacid in the face of Post-Modern psycho babble b$llsh*t where nothing's really important and everything is reduced to emptiness and subjective opinion.

On one such a יסוד can we find סמיכה. On one such a יסוד can you have גאולה.


Saturday, September 28, 2013

Religious Paralysis - Murdering the רשכבה"ג

Disclaimer: This post has no real proof or showing of exegesis from Torah sources outright. It's merely my own personal diatribe, ranting, and release of thought. Take it as you wish.

Was sitting in a random modern orthodox shul here in Jerusalem. The Rabbi told over a story that got me angry. The story, we'll keep it without names, is of a well known great Rabbi of the European era -- we'll just call him רשכבה"ג פלוני -- recounting to his תלמידים a personal story of his formative years as a yeshiva bachur. בקיצור, it goes like this:

when פלוני was a bachur in yeshiva in his early years  he wasn't succeeding in his learning.. finally his parents discussed the option of taking him out of yeshiva and teaching him a trade so that he could learn to become a respectable admirable B'al Ha'bos -- giving charity, supporting the community, yada yada yada. Nonetheless and despite the hardship, פלוני goes on to succeed in yeshiva and goes on to become רשכבה"ג פלוני. 
"And So..." he tells his students, "I could have lived a long life of גמילות חסד ומעשים טובים as a B'al Ha'bos, gone up to Heaven where before me lie two doors - one for heaven and one for hell - only to be told that I'll be going to גיהנם for the sin of רציחה. How so?  because in my choosing to be a פלוני בעל הבית I was רוצח the פלוני רשכבה"ג". etc etc etc. you get the point.

This way of thinking makes me sick and makes me angry, mainly because the mistaken thought that belies it is so pernicious and so all encompassing in extinguishing the organic process of living/being/loving that the world so desperately needs.

Simply put, this mentality makes life a kind of sadistic egotistical game of "choose right or die" by it's Creator. A one-solution path in an obstacle course with a million different byways and streets -- and you better figure out which one is "The Right" one, otherwise we'll hold your feet to fire for all eternity. Such a perspective, in my opinion atleast, sees הקב"ה as a tyrannical joker of sorts -- "Be all that you can be but watch out! If you don't get the combination right we'll charge you for רציחה of what could have been, or more accurately what should have been,  says I".

A life where just about all the options are bad save one or two, and if you slip out -- so long and syonara. Of course you can do Teshuva and you won't maybe burn for your bad choice in being a B'al Ha'bos, or whatever -- but don't think you can ever equal being רשכבה"ג פלוני. That perfect choice that the world needed from you is gone.

And to me, that's just twisted. Tyrannical -- ואין הקב"ה בא בטרוניא עם בריותיו. Why can't you look at Life as a myriad of choices that are all Right. That all lead to תיקון, to expression and self-expression (of individual and of collective Creation). Is it any different really then a father wanting to see his child "grow into himself" and not into being a particular one-dimensional expression; be it Doctor, Lawyer, or רשכבה"ג???


And the more I think about it, the more I think it's this ghetto-childish mentality that I've come across too often in my various relationships -- whether with women or with חברים. The religious paralysis that sets in when you maintain a השקפה as the above. So that a girl will tell you despite the fact that she enjoys the 5-minutes she gave you  talking on the phone (and of course she can't talk any more than 5 minutes seeing as how she's already certain of the fact that you two are not getting married - any further discussion on the phone would just be at worst sinful and at best a waste of time - why bother exploring people of interest in life, right?) -- she would never marry a man who wasn't compatible with her hashkafa even if she were to fall in love with him!! why? because she's too afraid of being רוצח her own רשכבה"ג.

And so instead she figures שב ואל תעשה עדיף, passing over dozens upon dozens of "good men" -- for the simple reason that "you only really get one shot at this marriage thing and G-d forbid if you make the wrong choice". And she remains therein -- paralyzed; from her fear of making the right choice, from her fear of making the wrong choice, from her fear of what will be if she doesn't choose correctly. (see this blog  shomernegiah.blogspot.com as one example where the girl ultimately, after all the emotional pain and difficulty, ends up caving in to things anyway! )

And the tears roll down, and the depression makes for itself a permanent home in individuals who, quite literally, stand before a myriad of wondrous opportunities that Life begs to offer, yet are too afraid of the tragedy in being called "a murderer of the רשכבה"ג". and so they remain - paralyzed, never to tread on any of those paths at all....



Tuesday, August 27, 2013

ואהבך וברכך והרבך וברך פרי בטנך ופרי אדמתך וגומר - דברים ז יג

It tickles the mind to try and understand why according to ספר התגין the majority of the words in this pasuk are singled out by having a ך' סופית דד' קרני.

See ספר תגין from ~#66 and onwards that almost all of the ך' סופיות in this pasuk are written in this unique way.

Monday, July 8, 2013

Big Brother

Over the past year or so I'd say I've gotten a little more acquainted with Arab culture, specifically that of palestinian arab culture. Co-workers and songs on you tube mostly. And I have to say, I'm surprised to find a level of depth that I never considered before. There's heart in there, not some simple childish need to win or conquer alone I think. Specifically in regard to God and the land of Israel I find (or as called in numerous songs 'filistin').

And it kind of got me wondering what does הקב"ה do in such a situation? when you have two sides of an issue who've really got their hearts dug in, how is it possible -even for the most Perfect Being- to navigate such a situation such that not only is -for lack of better word- the 'worthier' side victorious, but that proper respect is given to the earnest heart of the losing side? It's almost seemingly an impossible paradox to solve...

And it got me thinking maybe that's partial pshat of that bewildering pasuk (which i can't find at the moment in Tanach, maybe a reader can help me) where --and i'm paraphrasing from a very vague memory-- the pasuk asks of הקב"ה not to listen to the prayers of the enemy  ( I really wish i could find the pasuk!!).  It's a strange thing really, how do you ask שמים not to accept a תפילה? If it's worthy and all, how does asking שמים to simply not listen to the תפילה effect anything?!

And I think therein is the answer. It's the giving respect to the weight of the other side in having to recognize that he's a בר הכי i.e. that there is substance in his side, there is what to consider, there is a need to ask שמים not to rule in his favor -- it's that deference of respect itself to the losing side which then allows שמים to rule in your favor (assuming you're worthy of such). It then expresses in a wholly True dimension that the decision was not a light one or an easy one. Millions of men women and children's tears' longing and prayers are not to be discounted blithely or easily. Respect. Respecting what's Real, what's True, whats Genuine --regardless of which side you're on-- I think that is the necessary and critical element needed to allow fate's decision to be wholly Just and Fair, from all perspectives. 

Only when the 'winning' child has the maturity and perspective to look upon his rivaling younger brother with respect, understanding, and care -- only then can any parent stand behind that child fully and delegate unto him authority. Anything less is just two babies incessantly fighting hopelessly and it makes for no good reason for the parent to 'get involved' and choose "who's right?". Just to keep them apart as much as possible and hope someday they'll both "grow up"....


Monday, July 1, 2013

If I were Prime Minister of Israel Now

Given the current civil syrian war and the greater sunni-shia conflict that it encompasses between Iran and the rest of the sunni arab world -- I think a great opportunity is being lost; an opportunity for showing goodness in the world, for laying down what we as Jews should hold close to who we are as a people and as עם הנבחר -- love and striving for peace, even when it's not in our own self interest.

If i were prime minister of Israel I'd hold a press conference asking the parties in the Syrian conflict to make peace (!!!). That's right, that's what i said - to make peace.

No israeli or jew should look upon the syrian conflict as a 'good thing'. While it certainly has political and military benefits to israel - destruction of people, families of mothers and children, Life -- these are things you have to mourn for, and do what you can to protest.

Imagine what it would say, what it would mean, if the prime minister of Israel were to hold a press conference right now and call upon the related parties to find reconciliation -- it would be the most sobering powerful thing imaginable. It wouldn't be brushed aside as political self-interest, but as a pure stark truthful statement as to how destructive and bad their actions are having on the world, on their own people, the simple people, fathers mothers and children just trying to live. and they might honestly take a step back and reassess. If 'Israel' is telling us it's bad - wow, it must be really bad.

We would do this, not because it's advantageous to our own purposes or political agenda -- it of course is not by all logical accounts. but that is what being a good person, a good people is, wanting and willing to do what it takes to make the world a better place even if having to sacrfice your own personal interests.

And it would express the will of what the jewish people ought to be --- not to be the stronger army or the 'winner' in some long world evolutionary conflict. but to be a member and a partner in the greater collective good of the world and it's enterprise. a world that hopefully can ultimately see it's fellow member as brothers, cousins, and comrades -- who may at times need to 'fight issues out', but at one and the same time never losing sight of the higher common values that they share, beyond the differences of ideology or religious dogma -- Life, it's advancement, it's preserving, it's respecting. Life, Peace, and Existential Expression.

That's the opportunity of expression that's being lost here.

Friday, March 22, 2013

Wheels Within Wheels and The World We Live In

Pesach time is now upon us. Been working now as a supermarket cashier for quite some time now and it's times such as these that force me to reflect on the nature of the financial and economic system that we (i.e. planet earth at large) live in.

How much exploitation and downright merciless coercion goes in to the various 'outputs' that surround us. On how many tears was the tomato that we eat today grown from? How many workers were worked to exhaustion so we could have vanilla flavored pudding stocked neatly on the shelves? How many times have people been victimized of their basic rights yet grin-and-bear-it under the fear of financial duress and ruthless capitalistic cost/benefit mechanisms?

 The clothes we wear; The buildings we live in; The movies we watch (I remember getting a job as a movie extra -- worked till the wee hours of the morning and got paid an amount in cash that didn't even match basic minimum-wage).

The above may sound anti-capitalistic but in fact it's much of a larger picture than political theory alone. It's the realization that we live in a system of wheels-within-wheels with dysfunction on levels of scale so large --beyond even the level of individual level of countries and blocs!!-- that what real hope is there for change? A world in which whole countries and continents are living in a rat race to compete for lower interest rates, financial investment and capital, etc etc that who can you really blame when the newly-divorced-cashier-mother breaks down in tears because they won't let her stop working (despite her running a fever) because there's just too many customers at the supermarket to service and the age of consumerism doesn't believe in compromising for teary eyed customer service reps.

So when you come across that ginger-faced, happy-go-lucky, life-is-just-peachy individual who got lucky on the toin-coss in regards to the life he was born into (or even for that matter made for himself), I think it's the duty of every sensitive man to give him a proverbial slap in the face and make him aware of just how shitty the world we live-eat-and-clothe-ourselves-in really is. Just how miserable the people and animals that we prop our  'first-world lifestyles' on really are.

God save us because there's no one else who can; and God forgive us for the evil ruthless machine that we're all apart of.

Happy Passover.


דניאל ז ז
בָּאתַר דְּנָה חָזֵה הֲוֵית בְּחֶזְוֵי לֵילְיָא וַאֲרוּ חֵיוָה רביעיה [רְבִיעָאָה] דְּחִילָה וְאֵימְתָנִי וְתַקִּיפָא יַתִּירָא וְשִׁנַּיִן דִּי פַרְזֶל לַהּ רַבְרְבָן אָכְלָה וּמַדֱּקָה וּשְׁאָרָא ברגליה [בְּרַגְלַהּ] רָפְסָה וְהִיא מְשַׁנְּיָה מִן כָּל חֵיוָתָא דִּי קָדָמַיהּ וְקַרְנַיִן עֲשַׂר לַהּ

Monday, March 18, 2013

לתא, لـذا, The, So

The arabic word لـذا (l'tha) i find very interesting for it's clear closeness to the english 'The' and the hebrew לתא (as in משום לתא דידה - יבמות כט א). and see rashi there:  האי לתא יתור לשון הוא. 

וצריך עוד דרישה.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

עולם הבא vs. לעתיד לבא

עיין בכתבי האר"י (שער מאמרי רז"ל - מסכת סנהדרין) על ההבדל. 


והנה בזמן הזה המוחין דז"א הם מן התבונה, ולכן התבונה נקראת "עולם הבא" --לשון הווה-- כי הנקבה נקראת "עולם" (כנודע בסוד "מן העולם ועד העולם", תרין נוקבין) והתבונה נק' "עולם" שמתעלם ומתלבש ובא תמידי בבחינת מוחין תוך ז"א.....אבל בינה נקראת "לעתיד לבא" לפי שאין ז"א לוקח עתה מוחין עילאין מצד הבינה עד לעתיד לבא, כי אז יגדל מעלת הז"א ויהיו לו מוחין עליונים יותר מן הבינה עילאה:

  וקשה לכאורה מלשון נוסח התפלה של "אלהי נשמה שנתת בי" בתפלת שחרית ---- "ולהחזירה לי לעתיד לבא וכולי" -- וצריך עיון.

Sam the Sham Part II - חבוט הקבר

As a furtherance of what I wrote earlier on this song, I saw today R' Chaim Vital on Khibut HaKever (שער מאמרי רז"ל שונות) that immediately made me think of this song again and it's implications. Coming to know oneself -- or more correctly: coming to know oneselves; the various components of self-identity that we are all composed of. the good and the bad, the 'wolf' and the 'sheep', and everything in between. Life's challenge then being to identify those components unto themselves first, before you can begin to correct them.


ובזה יובן מ"ש ז"ל שם בפרקי חבוט הקבר כי הרשעים שוכחים שמותם בהיותם בגיהנם ואינם יודעים שמותם, ושלוחי גיהנם חובטים ומכים אותם מכות גדולות לכשיאמרו שמותם. והרשעים משיבים אותם ואומרים "מעידים אנו עלינו שמים וארץ שאין אנו יודעים שמותינו"....אמנם ביאור הענין הוא זה. דע כי אין שום אדם בעולם שאין עמו קליפה אחת מזוהמת הנחש כנ"ל......ונמצא כי כל אדם מישראל, מלבד השם אשר קוראים לו אביו ואמו בעת שנמול .... כן על דרך זה גם כן יש שם זה אל אותה הקליפה של זוהמת הנחש הנדבקת עם נשמתו של אדם כנ"ל.    ונמצא כי כל אדם יש לו ב' שמות - אחד לנשמה הקדושה ואחד לקליפה אשר עליה כנזכר. וזהו סוד שהרע שנדבק עם האדם מיום שנולד כמ"ש "לפתח חטאת רובץ" וכמעט שהכל נעשה עיסה אחת מעורבת יחד עמו. ולכן יש כח ביד היצר הרע להנהיג את האדם להטותו אל מקום שירצה כי גם הוא בעל הבית גמור לאדם.

והנה יש מציאות אחד אל האדם שלא יצטרך אחר מיתתו אל חבוט הקבר, והוא: כי אם בהיותו בחיים חייתו בעולם הזה יכול להשיג ולידע איך נקרא שם היצר הרע שלו (שהוא הקליפה הנזכר), והנה אז היה יכול לתקן מקום הפגם והיה יודע מה תיקונו ועל ידי מה יתוקן והיה יכול להפרידה ממנו בחיים חייתו ולא היה צריך אל חבוט הקבר; באופן כי הכל תלוי בידיעת האדם שם של אותה הקליפה אשר עמו שהוא כנ"ל.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

למען, מעון, معنى

The arabic word for 'meaning' -  معنى - (ma'ana) being clearly related to the hebrew למען. hence 'for the sake of' or 'for the purpose of'.  It then also having ramifications for the hebrew word מעון as a place of final destination and purpose.

Monday, January 28, 2013

The Comfort in Being Naturally Understood


I guess you could say by now I have a considerable history in dating and searching for a mate... Looking back at things.... I've been lucky to date really good girls, good people (not to say there weren't some bitches here and there but you know what I mean :-) ). Girls that I admired and respected and would really want to see find success and successful self-expression in life. And yet that only begs the question: why did I rarely feel the desire to marry them? and what of the few girls I've come across in life who I naturally felt I could be together with? whom I felt I did have potential with?

I remember one girl in particular whom I really felt a connection to. I remember a peculiar thing - the comfort I felt in knowing that she existed in the world, even while knowing I'd never be with her. It just felt so comforting to me to know she existed in the world, and so again, that only begs the question: why?

And I think that leads me to the crux of the epiphany (and the title of this post ) - being understood, naturally, raw-ly, at your most basic level of expression without needing to hold back due to the various and many social, psychological, societal sanctions that are constantly in play. It's not enough having a world full of wonderful girls whom I can marry if those girls can't readily understand or "handle" me and how I think - all external societal norms and conventions being put to the side.

The greatest disappointment I think I've had in all my courtship years of experience is not the single life of being alone - without wife, children, structure, floor tiles clean of dust that's been sitting there months at a time - but it's the rarity of cases in which being brutally honest finds understanding (I say "brutally" in the sense of saying things damaging to myself. not in the sense of saying things that could be hurtful to the girl. although unfortunately sometimes those two have to overlap...) . The recurring scenarios in which Daniel Mokhtar expressing honestly his core feelings, positions, opinions, doubts, fears, aggrievances, anger, etc etc find their way to being interpreted as anywhere from crazy to chauvinist to psychologically disturbed... It's the painful feeling that you don't belong - truly, existentially - because if you did how is it that you think and see reality so different than everyone else?... how is it you speak a language so differently than everyone else?...

And so it's those few and far between girls whom I've met in life (most often whom the option of marriage was not possible for a variety of external reasons) who I felt --all things being natural-- did have the capacity to understand the complex twisted scary psyche that makes up Daniel Mokhtar(1) -- it's those girls who've given me comfort in life in knowing that I have a place, that I have a home,  I belong to somewhere;  it's those acquaintances that give me the comfort that allows me to live a life with the prospects of total failure as an individual, if but only to know that I'm a part of something bigger that is growing and advancing collectively. Being understood at your raw-level I think is one of the greatest comforts that can be...

(1) - I remember once a girl with whom I had shared mutual fondness asked me "would you ever cheat on your wife?" and I answered "I hope not" to which, not being ecstatic at the answer, she understood. And I in turn was so happy in seeing that she could understand  such an answer. that she could handle such an answer.

[I use the word "understood" not simply in the sense of intellectually or psychologically but rather I mean "understood" as a result of having shared a particular line of thought or feeling, if even but only for a subconscious moment. I remember once telling a girl "I don't like people" and seeing how deeply she couldn't grasp what I meant, how i meant it, and in what particular aspect or dimension it pertained. Language and talking with such dis-similar minded people can be such an exhaustive disappointing endeavor...]

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

למות תוצאות and Election Day

I don't really have the idea polished and clear, just I feel there's a jewel in the rough somewhere in this:

למות תוצאות תניא נמי הכי תשע מאות ושלשה מיני מיתה נבראו בעולם שנאמר למות תוצאות תוצאות  בגימטריא הכי הוו --- ברכות ח א

Why should death be related to the word תוצאות though? What's the connection?

Taking from the modern hebrew usage of תוצאות as "results" (as in "election results" - תוצאות בחירות) I think it can be understood. Being fixated in life on "results" and not living and acting as a form of one's own self-expression regardless of to what the degree the external world gives you a standing ovation or ostracizes you and labels you as a nut. That's the recipe for death. That's how you die. לא עליך המלאכה לגמור , the journey and not the destination, the process and not the result.

Given the above, voting in an election is not about "results", it's not purely about voting as a means of getting into office the people you want. It's about expressing what you want and who you would want - regardless of whether that self-expression will be accepted by the rest of the world or not; regardless of the final election; regardless of the תוצאות.

למות תוצאות.