She starts out building up emotion for you (or more correctly the projection she makes of you), as you simultaneously start growing emotion for her, and as time goes by emotions grow stronger and deeper until at some point along the path of getting to know you you express to her a part of your inner thoughts that doesn't "jive with her".
Let's just say for example it's the idea of wanting your wife to cover her hair and not work closely alongside other men. You've done nothing wrong. You didn't even say it in the form of a command but just an expression of what your needs are "I can't feel comfortable being married with such and such" -- totally non-assertive, just expressing your own existential feelings.
So the relationship ends. It becomes evident to both that the divides just can't be bridged. It's not practical.
Here's the jewel of an insight - She'll hate you.
(atleast for some amount of time before she can move on)
She must hate you. Your very being is a constant source of her pain. Something which draws her inner emotions into an utter fruitless frustration. Every aspect and quality of you that all along aroused in her a sense of love are now the very same knives paining her. And so she hates you. She existentially hates you. She doesn't hate you for anything you've done or said. She hates that you exist. Ouch.
And I found that my response to those silent words of "I Hate You Danny" were strangely enough - "I hate me too" -- that my being what I am existentially should distance me so from those I'd like to be close to... but what can I do, that's just honestly who I am.....
and so then I thought, maybe I'm getting somewhere in understanding the concept
חטאת לה' --הביאו עלי כפרה על שמעטתי את הלבנה
[Afterwards, I saw the same concept is to be found in the early part of Khaleed Hosseini's book "The Kite Runner" as the pain of Amir in Hassan's complete loyalty to their friendship.]
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