Why Good Guys Get A Bad Rap & Other Shidduch Discontents

It saddens me how you can make a genuine gesture that is all-defined and all-contingent by the context it was given in; that someone can then go and "tell over the facts" but just viciously chooses to omit all the points of context and subtleties of conversation that make sense out of your actions, and the end result is an absolutely horrifying account of yourself that you shudder upon hearing being relayed from your family, friends, or "former friends"--  as the case may be after them having heard the story...

I think I've really come to understood better R' Matis' talks on לשון הרע and פרשת מרגלים... It's all about the context and it's in context where בעלי לשון roam free to crucify you to the stake as they see fit... sad... 

I hate dating through middlemen (a.k.a shadchanim). It's not enough dealing with the date itself but you then have to be constantly paranoid and stressed about not saying or doing anything that can be presented back to others in less than favorable light should the relayer so wish it... and that paranoia [which is truly valid] is what leads a good, honest man to close in and "play it safe" by offering nothing of his rough personal edges to allow for genuine, honest relationship and mutual understanding. In other words, the system makes it worthwhile to be disingenuous at worst or just plain dry, bland, superficial and tepid at best... how sad...